'Man Up': Why the language we use matters

Language is fascinating in what it tells you about a society. Consider how certain job titles have evolved, as more women have entered the workforce and both men and women have become gradually less inclined to go for certain ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ roles. Over the last few decades, certain jobs have become far less gender-specific, and our language is evolving to reflect that. It’s much more common now to use gender neutral titles like ‘Police Officer’, rather than ‘Police Man / Woman’.

We do have a long way to go with this. Note the recent, quite amusing discussion over Hillary Clinton’s husband joining her in the White House if she wins in the US elections. Unprecedented! A First Lady that is not a lady. What will we call him? First Man? First Gentleman?

However, in the same way that society can affect language, the way we use language can also have an effect on our society. If we continue to move towards a completely gender equal society, but allow certain words and phrases to persist which entrench old-fashioned gender stereotypes, that progress is going to be slowed. I’ve listed some examples of phrases which, unlike those dying-out titles mentioned above, are still used by many of us, and added the reasons why we should probably stop.

1. ‘Like a girl’

You throw like a girl, you punch like a girl, you *insert physical activity* like a girl. This one doesn’t need to be explained too much. The argument often used in its defence is; ‘but men are stronger than women’. The (debatable) truth of this is irrelevant, because what you are saying when you say ‘you do it like a girl’ is not ‘you do it slightly weaker than a man’. You are saying ‘you don’t do it properly’, ‘you do it badly’.

Why it matters: See the video from Always that I’ve included below. The implication of the advert is that girls may eventually learn the real significance of doing something ‘like a girl’. They will learn that to do something like a girl is to be weak, and who wants girls and young women to grow up believing that?

2. ‘Whipped’

Ok, being controlling doesn’t have a place in a healthy relationship. It barely needs saying. But a partner being ‘whipped’ isn’t just about that. Firstly, it’s only ever used with reference to a hetero man. (Have you ever heard someone saying ‘She’s so whipped’?) Secondly, it can be applied to virtually any situation where a guy has done something for the benefit of his other half. Real examples I’ve heard: A guy goes to the shops for his girlfriend – he is whipped. A guy is on the phone to his girlfriend – he is whipped. A guy goes to the cinema with his girlfriend and she chooses the film – he is whipped (yes really).

Why it matters: It teaches men that to do something for a woman is somehow emasculating, that it puts a woman in charge of you, and that that is wrong. It teaches women that for them to expect something from their partner is to be demanding and controlling. It also perpetuates the stereotype of men being free spirits who make their own decisions, and women being on a constant mission to tie one of them down (and whip him, apparently).

3. ‘Wearing the trousers’

Perhaps this one is a bit archaic. I feel like I haven’t heard it in a while – the above mentioned ‘whipped’ seems to have taken its place in a lot of scenarios. But let’s tackle it anyway, just to prevent a retro comeback.

Ok, in this phrase, the trousers belong to the man. Women wear skirts and dresses only, of course. The implication is that the one who wears the trousers is the man, and therefore, is the one who takes control in the relationship.

Why it matters: Firstly, why does somebody need to take control in a relationship? Why do we ask ‘who wears the trousers’ as if every couple needs a manager to make the decisions? The other obvious issue is with the assumption that whoever takes control is taking on the man’s role in the relationship. We’re living in an age where it’s usually both parents in a family who go out to work. Sometimes it’s just the man. Sometimes it’s just the woman. Also - everyone wears trousers.

4. ‘Man up’

One which arguably affects young men more than young women. A close relative of ‘Grow a pair’, which has much the same meaning. Often used in situations where a man is afraid, upset, in pain or basically showing any emotion whatsoever. To show emotion is to show weakness and you have to ‘man up’, hide that weakness, and get on with whatever is in front of you, regardless of your own feelings.

Why it matters: It teaches young men that emotion is a weakness and that that weakness belongs to women. It affects how women are seen, therefore – as weaker and less able to overcome emotional difficulties. It’s extremely well known that men have a far higher suicide rate than women (76% of all suicides in 2014). They are far less likely to speak about depression and other mental health difficulties and risk being seen as less masculine. This is the effect of teaching young men to ‘man up’. On a more positive note, see ‘CALM – the Campaign Against Living Miserably’, created to tackle this issue. I’ll provide a link at the bottom.

We use most of these phrases off-the-cuff and in a humorous way, with little intended sincerity. I’ll admit to having used some of them before. But the language we use, like I said, is a reflection of our society and, in these cases, of our expectations of men and women. The use of this language perpetuates traditional gender stereotypes which, to be honest, many of us have moved beyond. Our language needs to catch up and we can achieve this by being more aware of our use of phrases like these.

If you can think of any other phrases we need to watch our use of, please let us know!

The Campaign Against Living Miserably can be found here: https://www.thecalmzone.net/

#ownit #language #gender #genderroles #manup #likeagirl